guide for a good confession

“To those who have been far away from the sacrament of Reconciliation and forgiving love I make this appeal: come back to this source of grace; do not be afraid! Christ himself is waiting for you. He will heal you, and you will be at peace with God!”¹

The basic requirement for a good Confession is to have the intention of returning to God like the prodigal son and to acknowledge our sins with true sorrow before his representative, the priest.

Examine your conscience. Recall your sins. Calmly ask yourself what you have done with full knowledge and full consent against God’s Commandments.

• Have I performed my duties towards God reluctantly or grudgingly?

• Did I recite my usual prayers?

• Did I receive Holy Communion in the state of mortal sin or without the necessary preparation?

• Did I miss the one-hour Eucharistic fast?

• Did I fail to mention some grave sin in my previous confessions?

• Did I seriously believe in superstition or engage in superstitious practices (palm-reading, fortune telling, etc.)?

• Did I seriously doubt in matters of Faith?

• Did I put my Faith in danger by reading books, pamphlets, or magazines which contain errors or are contrary to Catholic faith and morals?

• Did I endanger my Faith by joining or attending meetings and activities of organizations contrary to the Church or to the Catholic faith (Protestant services, non-Catholic prayer-meetings, the Communist Party, Freemasonry, “weird” cults and other religions)?

• Have I committed the sin of sacrilege (profanation of a sacred person, place or thing)?

• Did I try my best to fulfill the promises and resolutions which I made to God?

• Did I take the name of God in vain? Did I make use of God’s name mockingly, jokingly, angrily or in any other irreverent manner?

• Did I make use of the Blessed Virgin Mary’s name or the saints' names mockingly, jokingly, angrily or in any other irreverent manner?

• Have I been a sponsor in baptism and ceremonies outside the Catholic Church?

• Did I tell a lie under oath?

• Did I break (private or public) vows?

• Did I miss Mass on Sundays or Holy days of obligation?

• Did I allow myself to be distracted during Mass, by not paying attention, looking around out of curiosity, etc.?

• Have I arrived at Mass so late without sufficient reason that I failed to fulfill the Sunday obligation?

• Did I misbehave or have an improper posture or dress in church, or cause others to get distracted?

• Did I generously help the Church in her necessities to the extent that I am able?

• Did I fast and abstain on the days prescribed by the Church?

• Have I done any work or business that would inhibit the worship due to God, the joy proper to the Lord’s Day, or the appropriate relaxation of mind and body, on Sundays and Holy days of obligation?

• Have I neglected to teach my children their prayers, send them to Church and give them a Christian education?

• Have I given them bad example?

• Did I neglect to watch over my children: the companions they have, the books they read, movies and TV shows they watch?

• Have I seen to it that my children made their First Confession and First Communion?

• Have I seen to it that they have received the sacrament of Confirmation?

• Have I been disobedient towards my parents?

• Have I neglected to help my parents in their needs?

• Did I treat my parents with little affection or respect?

• Did I feel hurt and react proudly when I was corrected by them?

• Did I have a disordered desire for independence?

• Did I do my house chores?

• Did I quarrel with my brothers and sisters?

• Did I easily get angry or lose my temper?

• Was I envious or jealous of others?

• Did I injure or take the life of anyone? Was I ever reckless in driving?

• Was I an occasion for others to sin with my conversations, dirty jokes, way of dressing, invitations to attend certain shows, lending them harmful books or magazines, helping them to steal, etc.? Did I try to repair the scandal done?

• How many persons did I lead to sin? What sins?

• Did I neglect my health? Did I ever attempt to take my life?

• Have I mutilated myself or another?

• Did I get drunk or take prohibited drugs?

• Did I eat or drink more than the sufficient amount, allowing myself to get carried away by gluttony?

• Did I participate in any form of physical violence?

• Did I consent or actively take part in direct sterilization (“tubal ligation,” vasectomy, etc.)? Do I realize that this will have a permanent effect on my married life and that I will have to answer to God for its consequences?

• Did I consent, recommend, advise, or actively take part in an abortion? Am I aware that the Church punishes with automatic excommunication (latæ sententiæ) those who procure and achieve abortion? Do I realize that this is a very grave crime?

• Did I cause anyone harm with my words or actions?

• When someone offends me, do I desire revenge, harbor enmity, hatred or ill-feelings?

• Did I ask pardon whenever I offended anyone?

• Did I insult or tease others?

• Did I entertain indecent thoughts?

• Did I recall impure thoughts?

• Did I consent to evil desires against the virtue of purity, even though I may not have carried them out? Were there any circumstances that aggravated the sin: (the affinity with or the married state or the consecration to God of the person involved)?

• Did I engage in impure conversations? Did I start them?

• Did I look for fun in forms of entertainment which put me in proximate occasions of sin (some dances, immoral movies or shows, readings, bad company, houses of ill-repute)?

• Do I realize that I may already be committing a sin by putting myself in these occasions (sharing a room with a person of the opposite sex, being alone with a person of the opposite sex in circumstances which could lead to sin, etc.)?

• Do I take care of those details of modesty and decency which are the safeguards of purity?

• Before going to a show or reading a book, do I try to find out its moral implications, so as not to put myself in immediate danger of sinning and in order to avoid distorting my conscience?

• Did I entertain impure feelings?

• Did I willfully look at immodest pictures or cast immodest looks upon myself or others? Did I willfully desire to commit such sins?

• Did I lead others to sins of impurity or immodesty? What sins?

• Did I commit impure acts? By myself through the practice of self-abuse which is a mortal sin? With someone else? How many times? With people of the same or opposite sex? Was there any circumstance of relationship, affinity, etc., which could have given the sin special gravity? Did these illicit relationships have any consequences? Did I do anything to prevent these consequences?

• Do I have friendships which are habitual occasions of sin? Am I prepared to break with them?

• In courtship, is true love my fundamental reason for dealing with the other person? Do I live the constant and cheerful sacrifice of not putting the person I love in danger of sinning? Do I degrade human love by confusing it with selfishness or pleasure?

• Did I engage in acts such as “petting,” “necking,” passionate kisses or prolonged embraces?

• Did I make improper use of marriage? Did I deprive my spouse of the marital right? Did I betray conjugal fidelity in desire or in deed? Did I use any birth control device before or after new life had already been conceived?

• Did I without grave reasons make use of marriage only in those days when offspring will not be engendered with the intention of avoiding conception?

• Did I take “the pill” or practice other artificial methods in order to prevent having children?

• Did I suggest their use to other people?

• Did I have a hand in contributing to the contraceptive mentality by my advice, jokes, attitudes, etc.?

• Did I steal any object or amount of money? How much was it worth? Did I give it back; or at least, have the intention to do so?

• Have I done or caused damage to others’ property? To what amount?

• Did I harm anyone by deception, fraud, or coercion in business contracts or transactions?

• Did I spend beyond my means? Do I spend too much money unnecessarily due to whim, vanity or caprice?

• Do I give alms according to my capacity?

• Am I envious of my neighbor’s goods?

• Did I neglect to pay my debts?

• Did I retain things found or stolen?

• Did I desire to steal?

• Am I diligent in my work and studies or do I give in to laziness or love of comfort?

• Was I greedy? Do I have an excessively materialistic view of life?

• Did I tell lies? Did I repair any damage that may have resulted as a consequence of this?

• Have I unjustly accused others?

• Did I sin by detraction, that is, telling the faults of others without necessity?

• Did I sin by calumny, that is, telling derogatory lies about others?

• Did I judge others rashly or have I suspected others falsely?

• Did I engage in gossip, back-biting, or tale-telling?

• Did I reveal secrets without due cause?

• When was my last good Confession? Did I receive Communion or other sacraments in the state of mortal sin? Did I intentionally fail to confess some mortal sin in my previous Confession?

• Did I seriously doubt my faith or put myself in danger of losing my faith through readings hostile to Catholic teachings or involvement in non-Catholic sects? Did I engage in superstitious practices: palm-reading, fortune telling, etc.?

• Did I take the name of God in vain? Did I curse, or take a false oath? Did I use improper language?

• Did I miss Mass on Sundays or holy days of obligation through my own fault, without any serious reason? Did I keep fast and abstinence on the prescribed days?

• Did I disobey my parents and lawful superiors in important matters?

• Did I hate or quarrel with anyone, or desire revenge? Did I refuse to forgive? Did I hurt or cause to kill someone? Did I get drunk? Did I take illicit drugs? Did I consent to, recommend, advise or actively take part in an abortion?

• Did I willfully look at indecent pictures or watch immoral movies? Did I read immoral books or magazines? Did I engage in impure jokes or conversations? Did I willfully entertain impure thoughts or feelings? Did I commit impure acts, alone or with others? Did I take contraceptive or abortifacient pills or use other artificial means in order to prevent conception?

• Did I steal or damage to another’s property? How much? Have I made reparation for the damages done? Have I been honest in my business relations?

• Did I tell lies? Did I sin by calumny, or detraction telling the unknown grave faults of others without necessity, even if they are true? Did I judge others rashly in serious matters? Have I tried to make restitution for the bad reputation I caused?

If you remember other serious sins besides those indicated here, mention them in your Confession.

Be truly sorry for your sins.

“The essential act of Penance, on the part of the penitent, is contrition, a clear and decisive rejection of the sin committed, together with a resolution not to commit it again, out of the love one has for God and which is reborn with repentance. Understood in this way, contrition is therefore, the beginning and the heart of conversion, of that evangelical metánoia that brings the person back to God like the Prodigal Son returning to his father, and which has in the sacrament of Penance its visible sign and which perfects attrition.”*

The resolution to avoid committing these sins in the future (amendment) is a sure sign that your sorrow is genuine and authentic.

This does not mean that a promise never to fall again into sin is necessary. A resolution to try to avoid the near occasions of sin suffices for true repentance. God’s grace in cooperation with the intention to rectify your life will give you the strength to resist and overcome temptation in the future.

Act of Contrition

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell; but most of all because they offend you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of your grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen.

or any other like: I confess . . .

You may now go to Confession

· You can begin your confession by making the sign of the cross In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

· The priest encourages you to have confidence in God saying: “May the Lord be in your heart and help you to confess your sins with true sorrow.”

· Either the priest or you may read or say by heart some words taken from the Holy Scripture about the mercy of God and repentance, e.g.: Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you (John 21:17).

· Then, accuse yourself of your sins. You may begin, “Blessed me father, for I have sinned.”

· You may continue with the time since your last confession: “My last good confession was . . . (how many weeks, months or years approximately.”)

· Say the sins that you remember. Start with the one that is most difficult to say, after this it will be easier to mention the rest. If you received general absolution, tell this to the priest and the sins forgiven then.

· If you do not know how to confess, feel uneasy or ashamed, simply ask the priest to assist you. Be assured he will help you make a good confession. Simply answer the questions without hiding anything out of shame or fear. Place your trust in God; he is your merciful Father and wants to forgive you.

· If you do not remember any serious sins, be sure to confess at least some of your venial sins, adding at the end: “I am sorry for these and all the sins of my past life, especially for . . . (mention in general any past sin for which you are particularly sorry, for example all my sins against charity, purity, etc.”).

· The priest will give you the opportune advice to help you to be a better Christian, assign you some penance and invite you to manifest your contrition. You may say for example: Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

· The priest gives you the absolution. Listen to words the absolution attentively.

God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, X and of the Holy Spirit.

· At the end, answer: “Amen”.

· The priest may continue; May the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ, the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of all the saints, whatever good you do and suffering you endure, heal your sins, help you to grow in holiness, and reward you with eternal life. Go in peace.

· Be willing to do the penance as soon as possible. This penance will diminish the temporal punishment due to sins already forgiven.

· Give thanks to God for forgiving you again.

· If you recall some serious sin you forgot to tell, rest assured that it has been forgiven with the others, but be sure to confess it in your next Confession.